The Douche Diaries

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Sep 1
  • Friend: why are you crying?
  • Me: I'm just so beautiful

Friendly reminder that anyone born between 1985-1998 didn’t get their hogwarts letter because Voldemort’s ministry wiped out the record of muggleborns

(Source: tracey-hummel)

May 9

douche-diaries:

I regularly refer to myself as the Second Coming of Christ.

Dec 7
This photo speaks for itself.

This photo speaks for itself.

this hasn't been updated in a while are you all behaving?

kind of?  we’ve been too studious to be douchey.

Oct 2

I regularly refer to myself as the Second Coming of Christ.

Oct 1

No caption necessary.

I said “hot fudge is for the poor.”

I said “hot fudge is for the poor.”

I said “did you walk around MHS with your eyes closed or your head up your ass? Cause it was one of the two!” to Mercedes.

I said “did you walk around MHS with your eyes closed or your head up your ass? Cause it was one of the two!” to Mercedes.

I said: “I have a very talented mouth.”(Note: This comment occurred after the offender spent a generous amount of time rowing the chopsticks in her mouth like oars in a rowboat.)

I said: “I have a very talented mouth.”
(Note: This comment occurred after the offender spent a generous amount of time rowing the chopsticks in her mouth like oars in a rowboat.)

I licked Rachel’s hand while she was trying to take a nap.  (Wank note: the hand was hanging off her bed and the act was done after another roommate referenced “people can lick too”.)

I licked Rachel’s hand while she was trying to take a nap.
(Wank note: the hand was hanging off her bed and the act was done after another roommate referenced “people can lick too”.)

I said: “I’ve just got to get past the engorged head.”

I said: “I’ve just got to get past the engorged head.”

I made up a douche so that I could be included…and got caught.

I made up a douche so that I could be included…and got caught.

I got high and kicked a dog.

I got high and kicked a dog.

I excessively listed euphemisms for male ejaculate, including the phrase “frothy semen” 

I excessively listed euphemisms for male ejaculate, including the phrase “frothy semen”